The Conversation Shut-down

. . . and the price you pay for not keeping your ears (and mind) open.

“Considering the other person’s existing outlook will help clarify how we can present arguments in a way most convincing to them, rather than a way most convincing to us.”

—Tali Sharot, The Influential Mind

A couple of weeks ago, I was mediating a difficult case. Two parties had wildly different views of the case’s facts, diametrically opposed interpretations of the applicable law and thus, not surprisingly, quite different opinions about settlement value.

In other words, this was a typical mediation.

At a critical point in the negotiations I suggested, to each attorney in separate rooms, that it would be a good time to reconvene, hammer out remaining issues, and move towards resolution. The first attorney readily agreed, realizing that coming together for face-to-face conversation would then present the best path towards compromise and resolution.

“No, I don’t want to talk to him. I really don’t. I already know what he’s going to say and, frankly, I don’t care at this point. I’ve already…