Whom Can You Trust?
Trust levels between negotiating parties can sink — or save — a deal.
A few weeks ago, I was mediating a difficult case involving a former employee who’d sued his company after suffering an injury. The company’s insurance carrier and its attorney had gathered to negotiate a possible settlement with the individual and her lawyer.
The employee was pleasant enough, especially under the circumstances, and the insurance rep seemed sincere. They had come in good faith to find a palatable alternative to the court system, and I was engaged to help.
Unfortunately, the parties’ attorneys disliked each other. Well, now, they were outwardly polite and displayed no open animosity. However, I knew from private conversations with each that — worse than despising each other — they didn’t trust one another. At all.
Predictably, when after several hours’ negotiating it came to decision time, neither lawyer could get comfortable with what the other was saying.
Was there actually more money available than he was letting on? Would the employee accept less than her stated “bottom line”? If we don’t settle today, will the insurer keep the offer open for us to consider, or will it be yanked forever from the table at 11:59 p.m.? What information is she hiding, and what tricks does he have left up his sleeve?
The proposed deal seemed decent enough. I don’t judge, but from where I sat the impasse was perplexing. Based on what the parties had told me, the numbers on the table were within a range that should have been acceptable to everyone.
So what happened?
Broken Trust, Missed Opportunities
The lack of trust, ultimately, was a deal-killer. I suspect that each lawyer, in a different setting, would have viewed the final proposed terms as objectively reasonable. However, because no shared trust anchored their negotiations, the parties simply couldn’t get comfortable agreeing to a deal. Reactive devaluation at its finest — the problem wasn’t the proposal but, rather, its sources.
Lawyers and other negotiators understand that some degree of “puffery” is part of how the game is played. Fortunately, we have ethical guidelines and rules of professional conduct to guide us and set boundaries. But you learn quickly that phrases such as “bottom line,” “best offer,” and “take it or leave it” are all relative and highly context-dependent. Sometimes we need the negotiation process to help flush out parties’ true intentions, and there is a degree of sport involved in the bargaining ritual.
Ultimately, though, trustworthiness is among the most valuable currencies a negotiator brings to the table.
How much do you trust the person on the other side of the deal? And how much does that person trust you?
Trust is difficult to define. Between certain negotiators it can take years to build, and sometimes it might come down to a gut feeling. But the importance of trust to deal-making can’t be overstated.
This is why you hear so much about the value of rapport-building, listening skills, and empathy, among other negotiation keys. We’re creating bonds, gauging each other’s trustworthiness, and trying to establish lines of communication as free of static as possible.
Can you negotiate with someone you don’t trust? Of course; we do it all the time, and we can’t always choose our negotiating counterparts. However, an absence of trust can limit communication and collaboration and, ultimately, prevent you from reaching optimal outcomes.
The bottom line: Trust is a lubricant that helps parties overcome challenges that would otherwise lead to suboptimal results or leave a transaction for dead. Without trust, negotiations rest on shaky foundations that can crumble under the stress of conflict.
Bedrock negotiation principles like this hold true in contentious lawsuits, multimillion-dollar corporate deals, as well as in everyday situations we all commonly face. When we go about our days and embrace opportunities to negotiate and resolve conflict, we can employ these notions to maximize our successes.
Trust: Everyday Illustrations
Believe it or not, I have a couple of anecdotes illustrating how trust can impact everyday negotiations and conflict resolution. On a recent family trip, two scenarios challenged our trust levels and put our negotiating skills to the test.
Next time here at The Stoic Negotiator, we’ll take a look and see what negotiation lessons we can glean. In the meantime, consider (and feel free to share in the comments below):
Can you negotiate with someone you don’t trust? If so, what’s your approach?
How does your trust level affect how you deal with a negotiation counterpart?
Do you remember a scenario in which trusting an opposing party was beneficial or necessary to reaching an agreement or resolving a conflict?