"No role is so well suited to philosophy as the one you happen to be in right now."
— Marcus Aurelius
Negotiation as Essential Element
A good friend was recently confiding in me and lamenting his need to shop for a car. “I’m excited to get a new SUV, because our sedan has been nothing but trouble,” he acknowledged, “but I just can’t stand shopping at these dealerships. Even using the online car-buying services, you still have to NEGOTIATE with these folks. Everything, right down to the floor mats!”
Viewed broadly, every transaction into which we enter is a negotiation. Sometimes the nature of the negotiation is readily apparent – like haggling over a new car’s price – and in other instances the negotiation is more implicit, like when we go to the grocery store, see a gallon of milk marked $3.50, decide that offered price is reasonable and pay the cashier.
Negotiation is an essential part of our daily lives. Whether you’re buying or selling in a transaction, there is a negotiation process involved, even if not explicitly or obviously so.
Think about it. Have you needed to resolve an argument or disagreement, persuade someone to see things your way, or make a decision at home lately? Of course. We all have, and those eventual resolutions – even between parents and kids, for instance, where unequal bargaining power is inherent – almost always require some form of negotiated agreement. How about at work? What determines your salary, or the amount for which you sell your products or services? Have you ever had a disagreement with a colleague that you needed to overcome, in collaborative fashion, in order to work together productively? Naturally, surely, you have.
Ever had to buy a cell phone, or sign up for internet service, and experience the joy of dickering with a customer service representative over an exorbitant enrollment fee, or a shipping add-on there’s no way in the world you should have to pay? Have you ever called your bank or credit card company to dispute a charge that you feel was unjustly or incorrectly assessed? Or has your health insurer balked at paying a complete doctor’s bill, such that you’ve been stuck in the middle between a physician’s or hospital’s billing department and your insurance company?
Let’s leave the rhetorical questions there.
As a mediator, I study and think about these challenges every day and regularly guide people through the negotiation process. In my typical engagement as a mediator, I help individuals and businesses settle their lawsuits out of court by harnessing the power of negotiation.
Opportunities to Learn and Improve Your Skills
I firmly believe that consciously working to improve negotiation skills is beneficial for both our personal and our professional lives. Negotiation skills are specifically useful — essential, in fact — to lawyers and others engaged in structured dispute resolution processes, like mediation and arbitration, and who must know how to negotiate for just resolutions.
I also believe that these skills are relevant to everyone, and they can certainly be learned. I’ve found that some of the most basic Stoic principles and approaches are surprisingly useful guides to approaching negotiation.
Negotiation will come naturally to some people and seem more foreign to others. We all have relative strengths and weaknesses that make us who we are. And each of us can become more skilled and comfortable using negotiation techniques that suit us, and in simply recognizing negotiation maneuvers we encounter others employing.
That’s why this Substack newsletter is here, and I’m glad you’re reading. All I ask of you is that, if you like something you read, please share it with a friend or two. Thank you for being here, and see you next time.
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