Don't Fear "The Pause"

“Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.”

—Seneca

I used to work with a boss who was the master of the conversational pause. Do you know anyone like this? It can get pretty uncomfortable talking with people who use silence skillfully.

My boss left lengthy gaps between thoughts as she considered what to say and what had been said.

Three seconds here. Five, six seconds there. The intermittent silences felt like an eternity, each awkward and mildly jarring.

Without fail, during these pauses, the other person would jump in or just keep talking to fill the space. Trust me, I know — because I was one of those people. I couldn’t help myself and would start babbling or over-explaining, invariably weakening my message or leverage in the conversation.

“The Pause” as Negotiation Tool

In every negotiation, there’s a moment of silence—a pause where the next words could determine the outcome. Most people rush to fill that silence, fearing the discomfort it brings.

But what if I told you that this pause can be your greatest ally?

Seneca, the Stoic philosopher, said, “Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.” In the silence of negotiation, power shifts. The person who controls the pause controls the narrative.

Control the Pause, Control the Narrative

Here’s why:

1.    Silence Builds Pressure: When you pause, you create a psychological tension that compels the other party to fill the void. Often, they’ll reveal more than they intended or concede ground.

2.    Silence Signals Confidence: Rushing to speak can signal desperation. A calm pause, on the other hand, demonstrates control and confidence—qualities that earn respect in any negotiation.

3.    Silence Gives You Clarity: In the quiet, you can reflect, consider alternatives, and craft a response that aligns with your goals.

Next time you’re in a negotiation, remember: Don’t fear the pause. Embrace it.

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