We haven’t released a podcast version of the newsletter in a while (as some of you have reminded me!), so we’ve recorded a little something to close out the year. We’re planning a few new things in 2023, too, so be on the lookout and plan to come back soon.
In the meantime, today’s podcast episode:
We talk a lot about negotiation here, to be sure. That’s because we’re negotiating all the time, hoping to influence people or persuade others to see things our way. Trying to settle lawsuits, resolve business disputes, or get the best deal for that used car . . . you know that negotiation envelops us.
Especially as we reflect on 2022 and hope for perhaps a more peaceful, agreeable world in 2023 and into the future, remember: The principles we talk about here are applicable far beyond what you might think of as “negotiation” settings.
Yes, The Stoic Negotiator™ is inspired by ancient philosophies and, heck, its very title references negotiation. But the point of all of this – what we explore each week – is to focus on tools and mindsets you can use to resolve and manage conflict, and communicate as effectively as possible, in broader everyday contexts.
With that in mind, let’s close out the year by highlighting 5 mindset keys you can use – today! – to guide those difficult conversations and keep them from going off the rails:
Empathy: Great negotiators have a knack for empathizing with their counterparts. Even when they disagree with their adversaries, and whether or not they like their opposing parties at all, these negotiators seem to be able to use empathy – an ability to walk in the shoes of others – to see conflicts from all sides. When you empathize with someone else, and recognize the other’s point of view, the person feels understood. Even more critically, the person feels you understand, which helps build rapport between you. And when you’ve built rapport and expressed empathy, you’re setting yourself up to negotiate effectively and resolve conflict.
Emotions: Managing, regulating, and channeling emotion is a principal theme familiar to any student of Stoicism. And that theme is common among skilled negotiators and dispute-resolvers, too. Recognize that emotions are involved in and guide decision-making, but strive not to let them divert you from making reasoned decisions. So acknowledge the emotions driving a disagreement. Channel your own emotions, to the extent you can, in a way that allows you sufficient space and calm to make rational decisions. Even though you can’t expect to control another person’s high emotions, you can still help by managing your own responses and at least not fanning the flames on the other side.
Objectivity: Lacking an objective perspective can lead to prolonged disputes and prevent opposing sides from finding common ground towards resolutions. When you find yourself disagreeing with someone, or in the midst of a dispute, seek objectivity. Is there an objectively right or wrong answer to the subject of your disagreement? Or is your dispute a matter of opinion, so that there’s really no “right” or “wrong”? Whenever you can find objective facts and data to shed light on a dispute, seek them out. Although it can be difficult to change a person’s view of what is “true,” especially with respect to closely held beliefs, it’s virtually impossible to change someone’s subjective opinion.
Humility: Humility is an under-the-radar secret weapon of some of the absolute best negotiators and problem-solvers. Humble negotiators – those who recognize that they don’t necessarily know everything about a dispute and could learn from the opposing view – benefit from being open-minded and have a knack for seeing both the strengths and weaknesses of their positions. Knowing what we know, as well as what we don’t know, helps us define the limits of our expertise in professional and personal endeavors.
Control: Finally, one of Stoicism’s most basic charges is that we separate that which we can control from that which we cannot. Distinguishing uncontrollable externals from controlled choices just so happens to be a highly effective everyday negotiation and conflict-resolution skill, as well. If it is within your power to solve a problem or create a favorable result, then take action. However, if you are facing an obstacle over which you have no control, then let it go.
And there you have it. As always, thanks for being part of The Stoic Negotiator™ community. We sincerely appreciate your support of this space and wish you all the best for 2023. Happy Holidays, and see you next year.
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