“Acquire the habit of attending carefully to what is being said by another, and of entering, so far as possible, into the mind of the speaker.”
—Marcus Aurelius
“So you understand what the other side is asking for, and why, right?” I asked the defense attorney as we started our mediation.
“Nah. We don’t really care about that, and we’re basically disregarding it,” he said. “We’re looking at this case much differently, and our offers will reflect that.”
And so it began.
Shortly thereafter, defense counsel made an initial offer that was approximately 1% of the plaintiff’s initial demand. Nearly three hours later, not surprisingly, the parties adjourned the mediation without an agreement. I’m a good mediator, but I don’t work miracles.
The defense attorney’s attitude reflects a most basic, but all-too-common, deficiency of poor negotiators. How can you enter a negotiation not caring about the other side’s perspective? When seeking consensus, why would you be indifferent to what another person — the other person upon whom agreement depends — considers important?
To the contrary, gaining an understanding of the other side should be one of your primary goals.
Marcus Aurelius’ words above are among the most important to anyone seeking to resolve conflict with another person. “Entering the mind of the speaker” is a skill that nearly all top-notch negotiators and conflict-resolvers possess.
Before defending your position or striking back at your counterpart, take the time to digest the opposing perspective.
An appreciation of the other side’s priorities, and seeking to view a challenge from your opposition’s shoes, will always serve you well. Besides giving the other person the gift of attention and understanding, acknowledging the other side can unlock new ways of looking at conflict and discovering more creative, mutually agreeable resolutions.
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