“Start from the presumption we know nothing.”
— Rick Rubin
At the breakfast table a couple of weeks ago, one of our middle-schoolers was busy at work. He was reviewing 10 or 12 pages of notes, organized into what looked like an elaborate grid or spreadsheet.
“Wow,” I wondered aloud, “what is all of this? Impressive!”
“Oh, yeah, we’re learning about debate in school. We’re debating another team today that’s going to be tough. Plus, they have a much easier position to take,” he explained.
“What do you mean? And how do you use these blocks of notes?”
“They get to argue for why every school day should start later — which I actually agree with — and our team has to argue against a schedule change,” he sighed. “To get ready, I’ve made a chart of ‘pros’ and ‘cons,’ because we need to know their arguments even better than they do themselves.”
I learn something from these kids every day.
Upon closer look, I saw that he had collected notes supporting both sides of the debate, including citations to primary and secondary sources. On the morning of the debate, the boy was reviewing every angle of the discussion he could imagine, rehearsing his approach, and preparing to counter any tack the competition might lob his team’s way.
People sometimes ask me how they should prepare for mediation or negotiation. Of course, adequate preparation will vary by context, but this debate prep technique highlights some key points that will help you from the jump:
Do your research. Before entering that car dealership, perform your due diligence thoroughly. Know all about your target vehicle’s features, options, and price range. As you prepare to negotiate a salary increase, understand well the market for those offering similar services. If you’re preparing to buy or sell a house, there’s no excuse these days, with all of the information at our fingertips, not to examine comps in the house’s area and other relevant background details.
Anticipate the other side. Consistent with sound debate prep, consider how you’d approach the discussion if you were on the opposing team. Why? You want to get in their heads so you’re prepared to present counter-arguments, of course. In addition, particularly when your discussion is part of a negotiation, considering the other side will help you empathize and appreciate the motivating factors that must shape your strategy.
Rehearse. As you lead up to a negotiation, practice what you’ll say and how you’ll say it. The more confident you are in your presentation, the more persuasive you’ll be. Apart from your substantive points, presenting with confidence engages the other side and gives you an extra air of persuasiveness.
Keep your mind open. Even when you have a difficult argument to make — or, in the case of our young debater, you have to advocate for a side you’re not completely sold on — try to remain open-minded. First, you might learn something that could change your mind. What if you’re actually mistaken about a fact or have been lead to a faulty conclusion? Then, if the other side has a good point, acknowledge it. You’ll gain credibility with them and, in turn, give the other side permission and incentive to listen to your contentions.
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